One Flesh

In the beginning of this journey, there was lots of fear. Lots.

Almost every discussion ended in tears (mine) and frustration (his). I thought I had to answer his questions, convince him of what is true, but I couldn't.

He could (and can) out argue, out maneuver, out intellectualize anything and everything I could come up with...even things he agreed with (just to play devil's advocate). For him it was mostly a verbal and intellectual sparring match. For me it was the potential loss of every dream I had held dear, and I was going to do everything I could to get him back on track.

And then I found at every turn that I couldn't.

Thus the tears.

We finally reached an impasse and mutually decided that, at least for a time, we would not discuss his spiritual questions. They simply had too much potential for combustion. My emotions couldn't handle it, and it began to wear on our marriage and our friendship.

During that time, I shared with a friend how strong the darkness of deception weighed on me. How I knew that we were one flesh and couldn't bear this dark cloud that was invading our oneness.

This wise friend kindly responded, "Then I'm going to pray that the light that's in you is stronger than the deception he's battling with."

Ding! Lights came on.

We are one flesh. He is battling darkness. I am filled with light. Light always pushes back darkness.

That was a significant turning point for me. I began to imagine myself filled with the light of the Way, the Truth and the Life. I began to choose to believe that whatever my husband was struggling with God's light would shine on every dark place.

What a perspective shift.

I'm happy to say that since that time, I have viewed our oneness differently. For the most part, I do not struggle like I once did with the perceived encroaching darkness of deception because, quite frankly, it's not encroaching. The light I carry through being filled with the Spirit and being in Christ keeps pushing it back...resisting.

And when I resist the devil, he flees.

God is good.